I am such a wuss. I didn’t tell the folks that be I didn’t want to be involved in group anymore. I don’t know why I do that. Well, actually I do - I don’t like to say no apparently. I want to be able to do everything all the time because I’m afraid I might miss out on something. My own wishy-washiness repulses me.
On the other hand I think I may see a couple. I like to matchmake….but only for my own enjoyment. If someone asks me I may say something, but mostly it’s just my own little people chess game. Anyway, they were sitting next to each other and I was struck by the similarities between the two. Also that their differences pair well.
I’ve not heard from my friend J. She’s been very elusive the last couple of months. Odd when you consider that the last time I spoke to her - February, I think - she mentioned that she doesn’t really have friends anymore. I can’t believe she’s been married over two years already. Her husband is a little, what I call, socially retarded. He doesn’t really play well in social situations and I predicted that the first thing he would do was isolate her from her friends.
Well, now they’re going to a totally new church. She doesn’t socialize without him hardly ever. He tries to make her feel bad if she does. All they do is go out an eat. She doesn’t take much care with her appearance anymore. When she talks to me it’s almost in a putting-down kind of way - like now that she’s married she doesn’t have the desire to do any of the things we once thought were fun (”oh I don’t think I want to do that, WE don’t do those types of things…”) She’s stop sending me emails and every time she plans a trip to visit, the next thing you know he’s planned a vacation to…wherever.
I know those are the signs of a controlling, unhealthy relationship, but K pointed out that it’s also a sign of depression. Is this all in my head? Because I expected trouble in this relationship, am I reading things into it? I dunno.
I excused it at the wedding because I thought I was projecting my own needs and wants on her - that she was happy with him and that was all that mattered. She didn’t need the romance or the kind words or the respect. My list is not her list, you know?
But now I see in clarity that she was so excited about the things he did right, because she wanted him to love her, that she never really looked at the things he did wrong. To a certain extent, that is good - no one wants to be with someone who is constantly criticizing. But in this case, it was so weird how he didn’t seem to think he was part of a couple. He wouldn’t sit next to her unless prompted (usually by her), he didn’t want to hold her hand hardly ever. No open mouth kisses, let alone tongue action, because he thought it was “gross” (yeah, I know BIG sign, that one) and he didn’t think that “normal” people actually did that. He didn’t really stick around a church long enough to put down roots. And more very weird stuff.
So, I can understand her distance from me, because I think she senses how much I dislike him, but I don’t understand how you could not maintain any friendships at all.
So, I’m worried. Do I keep trying to call her even though she returns my calls when she knows I am not going to pick up? It’s so weird not being in your best friend’s life.