Isle of Remote

Have the opportunity to get a free trip to visit my mom and grandmother this weekend and I’m not going to let it pass. So you won’t hear from me until Sunday or later. Hopefully I’ll remember to pack my camera and can post some purty pictures upon my return!

Haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been reflecting. And on vacation. Had a women’s retreat for church yesterday and today. Tomorrow I go visit my family for the weekend.

Still not sure what I’m going to do about the whole job situation. Meadow, my own personal cheerleader says I should use this opportunity to go for what I really want to do - write. And I feel that too.

But I’ve been so busy learning HOW to write I’m a little uncertain exactly HOW to make a living at it. A lot of the jobs I’m seeing want somewhere between 5-10 years experience.

I’ve never really felt so uncertain of anything before. Where am I headed? In what direction do I progress?

I have thought of an alternate route. I could work through campus temp services. I qualify for a higher classification, so technically I could get a raise. I can use that to get into another department. I’ve been applying to the Publications department for a while to no avail.

And here’s the weird thing through it all. I’m not particularly distressed at the thought of losing my job. I’ve made plans for my days and tried to figure out the timing (before Labor Day? At the end of the month? Before the big retreat?) repeated my “resignation” speech in my head and played a thousand different scenarios over and over. I’m still at a loss.

Can I make a living selling crap on eBay? Would I use the time off wisely and finish writing my book? Will I be able to find a big enough refrigerator box to live in when I’m homeless?

Ah! Self-doubt. I’ve missed you old friend. You are like a worn in pair of shoes that still manages to pinch when I walk too far. Fine. You can linger for a bit, but don’t get comfortable. You like to travel backward, old friend and that’s not the direction I’m headed, understand?

I’ve some thinking to do these next couple of weeks. It looks like my job is going to be eliminated. I spoke with one of the “outside sources” and she recommended my finding another position.

And, really I’m fine with that. I’m like a phoenix - I will arise from the ashes. It’s just I can’t figure the way to go out.

Here’s what I want to do: Walk in next Monday (I’m on vacation this week) give my notice, report every suspicious money changing practice I know of to the board, place magnets in every hard drive, take every last bit of office supplies, call in a bomb threat and slash the tires on my boss’ car on the way out. But that’s probably not the most Christian thing to do, is it?

So here’s what I’m actually deciding between:

1 - go in, ask why we are putting off the inevitable and request a voluntary layoff effective immediately.
2 - go in, ask why are we putting off the inevitably and request a voluntary layoff effective October 1.
3 - Give 2 weeks notice and fly by the seat of my pants.
4 - Climb into bed and stay there for at least a month.

Got my statement of estimated benefits from social security. If I reture at age 62 I could get $879 month. If I worked until age 67 I could get $1274 a month. At age 70 its $1590/month.

I’m glad that it would be a supplementary income in addition to my retirement from work and interest from savings. But I got to thinking about my grandmother and others like her who are living on $600 - 800 a month. She worked so much harder and longer than I ever have. She started working at age 13 and, after her husband left her with 2 small children, she worked sometimes up to 3 jobs at a time. She still rinses off aluminum foil and plastic baggies.

It doesn’t seem fair, somehow.

Crazy Town or the Catacombs of despair? This place is so dismal we could stage an Edgar Allen Poe reading. No one talks. You can go an hour without hearing another voice, even if you pass someone in the hallway. The only people who are moderately happy are the ones in computing. Every one else is busy looking for an escape route.

Why does this happen all the time at the university? Is it because we’re underpaid and under appreciated? I don’t think so. Our supervisor isn’t the most gifted leader in the bunch. She’s passive-aggressive and vindictive. She lacks the capacity to forgive. I’ve heard her call people stupid. She’s called the faculty dick heads just after kissing up to them mightily. She’s told anyone who’s voiced a complaint that if they don’t like it they should get another job. She promotes the incompetent (her friends and those that kiss up to her) over the qualified. She puts her need for personal revenge over the needs for the department. She refuses to accept blame for any wrongdoing. She takes umbrage at small discrepancies and totally ignores glaring red flags. She is a bad manager. And yet she has free reign. No one corrects her or attempts to redirect her in a more positive direction.

I have a theory about my workplace. I call it the Swamp Theory because the scum always rises to the top. I’ve seen it done time and time again - when they want to get rid of people they give them a glowing reference and boom, they’re out of the department and promoted. They become someone elses problem. If we look at the number of supervisors I have had here at the University:
Scherrie, Mark, Maureen, Loretta, Nancy, Theresa, Irene, Jorry, Pat, Pam, Jessie, Barbra, Joanna, Sharon. That’s 14. The bad managers were Maureen, Nancy, Jorry, Pat, Pam, Barbra, Joanna and Sharon. More than 50%! If it were only me who had complaints about them, that would be one thing. But nearly everyone else acknowledges their incompetence. Maureen once reprimanded me and my co-workers because when we were joking amongst ourselves someone said the other was evil. Maureen said that while she knew we were joking, people could get the wrong idea and think that there were evil people working in the clinic. She may have had a point if she had not chosen to ignore 2 of the nurses discussing their sexual adventures while administering to patients. One was telling about her “rug burns” and the other was saying how she did some doctor in the freight elevator in the hospital. Now what level of freedom do you have to have to feel comfortable sharing that information in front of patients as opposed to a closed room where patient access was very limited? Or, maybe it is just bad to be perceived as evil but okay to be a freakin’ hospital whore.

Where was I going with this? Sigh. To bed….

My obnoxious, dope smokin’, baby-mama-drama, loud music playin’, loud talkin’, cigarette smokin’ neighbors packed their crap and moved away yesterday!

They lived below me for about a year and it was starting to crank on my last nerve. Anything that happens on their balcony pretty much happens on mine. They’re on the phone on their balcony and I can hear them word for word on mine…or, as is more often the case, in my bedroom.

Smoking on the balcony? Smoke in my bedroom.

Please God, let a quiet hermit type person move in! I think the owner has a soft spot for smokers, because there have been more smokers in that unit than not. Luckily none of them stay too long.

At first I thought someone was finally moving in next door - that unit has been empty for 2 months, but this complex does something funky with sounds - they ricochet off the structure and seem like they are originating at another point entirely.

Speaking of which, there’s a couple who have been buying up units and turning them around after remodeling. I got a look at the 2 BR they did and it’s nice. They bought it for around $225 and are now asking $339. Is that an insane amount of moola, or what?

My co-worker just bought a 2BR/1BA here in my neighborhood for $491. I can’t believe it! We are all totally in shock. Yes, real estate is expensive here, but there are better deals than that. Heck, not even a mile away a 3BR/2BA sold for $450! She made the decision based on how it was decorated….. We’re all trying to be supportive since she’s going through a divorce and all, but DANG! That was an amazing lapse of common sense. Unless she adds on, she’s going to have a hard time turning that around in this market. This is definitely a family neighborhood with good schools and a small town feel, but if you can’t even put a queen size bed in the master bedroom, you’re going to have a hard time making a profit here.

Well, I got a ton of stuff to do before I get ready for church.

Peace, Love and Sooooooouuul!

My Bloginality is ENFP!!!

This is here mostly for my own reference. However this is so me right to the core. Only read this if you want to know more about me. However, the test, although only 4 or so questions long, came out with my correct personality type (I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs test its based on twice) and I’ve learned alot about how to deal with less than optimal situations… take it and tell me your personality type!

ENFPs are friendly folks. Most are really enjoyable people. Some of the most soft-hearted people are ENFPs. ENFPs have what some call a “silly switch.” They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence. Sometimes they may even appear intoxicated when the “switch” is flipped. One study has shown that ENFPs are significantly overrepresented in psychodrama. Most have a natural propensity for role-playing and acting. ENFPs like to tell funny stories, especially about their friends. This penchant may be why many are attracted to journalism. I kid one of my ENFP friends that if I want the sixth fleet to know something, I’ll just tell him. ENFPs are global learners. Close enough is satisfactory to the ENFP, which may unnerve more precise thinking types, especially with such things as piano practice (”three quarter notes or four … what’s the difference?”) Amazingly, some ENFPs are adept at exacting disciplines such as mathematics.

General: ENFPs are both “idea”-people and “people”-people, who see everyone and everything as part of an often bizarre cosmic whole. They want to both help (at least, their own definition of “help”) and be liked and admired by other people, on bo th an individual and a humanitarian level. They are interested in new ideas on principle, but ultimately discard most of them for one reason or another.

Social/Personal Relationships: ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to the more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality. They are outgoing, fun, and genuinely like people. As SOs/mates they are warm, affectionate (l ots of PDA), and disconcertingly spontaneous. However, attention span in relationships can be short; ENFPs are easily intrigued and distracted by new friends and acquaintances, forgetting about the older ones for long stretches at a time. Less mature E NFPs may need to feel they are the center of attention all the time, to reassure them that everyone thinks they’re a wonderful and fascinating person.

ENFPs often have strong, if unconvential, convictions on various issues related to their Cosmic View. They usually try to use their social skills and contacts to persuade people gently of the rightness of these views; his sometimes results in their negle cting their nearest and dearest while flitting around trying to save the world.
Work Environment: ENFPs are pleasant, easygoing, and usually fun to work with. They come up with great ideas, and are a major asset in brainstorming sessions. Followthrough tends to be a problem, however; they tend to get bored quickly, especially if a newer, more interesting project comes along. They also tend to be procrastinators, both about meeting hard deadlines and about performing any small, uninteresting tasks that they’ve been assigned. ENFPs are at their most useful when working in a group w ith a J or two to take up the slack.

ENFPs hate bureaucracy, both in principle and in practice; they will always make a point of launching one of their crusades against some aspect of it.

‘kay, here’s the latest.

My supervisor calls me over yesterday because she wants me to open up one of our buildings every Tuesday and Thursday morning and sort the mail. Fine, I say, grinning like a drugged loon. She says it’s temporary - for a month. Happy to serve, I say. But, I add, you may have forgotten I’m on vaca the end of this week, the beginning of the week after next and again two weeks after that. In the, um, 4-6 week period she is proposing, I will only be able to get to the building 3 or 4 days.

There are 2 other projects assistants who are housed in that building every stupid day. There are some 9 or 10 lab managers in that building. Why do I have to go and unlock the doors? And apparently this is an emergency situation, too. And the mail isn’t delivered until 9 or 10 am. Am I just supposed to sit around lounging on the sofa until it gets delivered so I can sort it? Because seeing that I would only be there maybe twice a week, it stands to reason that the person who would be unlocking the doors Monday, Wednesday and Friday would be sorting the mail on those days as well.

Makes no sense to me, but I guess that’s why she makes $89K a year. Fine, I say, grinning like a drugged loon.

Has political orientation become our new religion? Has the Great Commission been changed over the years to spread the news of liberalism vs. conservatism to the masses?

I think not, and yet talking to some folks I would swear there is an eleventh commandment: “Thou Shalt Vote Republican.” And it is rampant through the church.

My church has, as part of its mission statement, a goal of reaching people within a 20 block radius. Surprisingly, my church is predominantly white while the neighborhood it calls home is predominantly Black, Latino and Asian. It is also, according to voter registration, predominantly Democrat. I probably wouldn’t be attending this church if I had a choice in the matter, but that’s another story for another post.

Our parking lot is filled with Bush/Cheney bumper stickers. People have absolutely no qualms about discussing why their candidate is the greatest and constantly spread gossip about the opposing party.

I get these emails from one of my Christian friends and they are always about something John Kerry is supposed to have done. For the last month I have attempted to counter them, but she doesn’t want to listen. When I tell her I can find no corroborating evidence to support the statements, she doesn’t back off but just sends me more of the same.

Case in point: I get this email about Kerry’s Vietnam service and a link to some Swift Boat Veterans site. I read it through and a couple of things strike me odd, one is that the age of the veterans who supposedly served with or under Kerry is all over the map. And they are from several branches of the military. Plain old common sense says they couldn’t have all served with Kerry, so I write her back saying I think she’s been taken. That she’s passing along gossip disguised as truth. As this is about the fourth time I’d mentioned to this particular person that just because someone sends you something via email, doesn’t mean it’s the God’s honest truth, I emailed a copy of Kerry’s service record as compared to Bush’s (from Mother Jones magazine). I get in response an explanation that she doesn’t feel that a person should be judged on what they did 30 years ago because that’s a long time and people change. She doesn’t even realize that the email she sent out was asking that we judge Kerry on what may or may not have happened 30 years ago.

The Moral Majority has succeeded in making conservatism the new religion. They have made conservative politics synonymous with Christianity. If you’re liberal, you don’t want to hear about Christ because, well, that’s Jerry Falwell territory - and gosh, do I really want to protest against the Teletubbies? If you’re middle of the road you don’t want to hear about Christ because you don’t want to be involved with any of the extremists. If you’re conservative you don’t need to hear about Christ because you are obviously already on the team, right?

I went to a Chonda Pierce concert last year and she said something extremely disparaging about Democrats during her show. All I could think was how close I had come to bringing my non-Christian friend! I wondered how many people were sitting next to their non-Christian, non-Republican friends. Friends who were thinking, “see, I knew this church thing obviously wasn’t for me!”

How humbling will it be to learn that our political agendas kept us from reaching people with the gospel message? A message that is supposed to be intensely personal and full of grace and mercy. Yet we have reduced it to an issue on proposition whatever. There are many times when I ask God why I am attending the whitest church in San Diego. There are times when I have not gone to events simply because I wasn’t in the mood to hear someone’s politics. And there are definitely times when I feel combative rather than loving simply because I constantly feel the need to defend how I feel about something. How must it feel when you’re on the outside looking in?

I think it’s great to be enthusiastic about politics and political candidates, but, as in all things, our endorsement must be of a different sort than the rest of the world’s. Nevermind that neither Presidential candidate is running a particularly Christian ad campaign right now, we can only account for ourselves. So instead of pointing out the negative aspects of the opposing candidate, point out the positive aspects of your candidate. Don’t slam other people for their point of views. And finally, if you are not sure how your words will be received, keep them to yourself.

You cannot serve two masters. You have to make a choice. Would you rather I elected your candidate as my President or your God as my King?

Sunday 08.08.04 [4:30 pm]

I’ve done absolutely nothing today. In fact, I just woke up a mere 3.5 hours ago. I leave for church in about 45 minutes. That’s the crux of my day. Oh, wait! I did do something. I worked on my friend’s wedding present - 100 thank you notecards. I took a break because design-wise I hit the wall. The whole thing is not coming out at all like I wanted it to. Of course the wedding is tomorrow (yes, Monday) and I’ll have to finish it tonight. Notta problem.

Deadlines? I laugh in the face of deadlines! Article due Friday (last Friday) piece of cake. Housecleaning? Bah! It is better to sit on butt and stare at wall! Geez, when did I start talking like Bolshevik?