Haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been reflecting. And on vacation. Had a women’s retreat for church yesterday and today. Tomorrow I go visit my family for the weekend.
Still not sure what I’m going to do about the whole job situation. Meadow, my own personal cheerleader 
says I should use this opportunity to go for what I really want to do - write. And I feel that too.
But I’ve been so busy learning HOW to write I’m a little uncertain exactly HOW to make a living at it. A lot of the jobs I’m seeing want somewhere between 5-10 years experience.
I’ve never really felt so uncertain of anything before. Where am I headed? In what direction do I progress?
I have thought of an alternate route. I could work through campus temp services. I qualify for a higher classification, so technically I could get a raise. I can use that to get into another department. I’ve been applying to the Publications department for a while to no avail.
And here’s the weird thing through it all. I’m not particularly distressed at the thought of losing my job. I’ve made plans for my days and tried to figure out the timing (before Labor Day? At the end of the month? Before the big retreat?) repeated my “resignation” speech in my head and played a thousand different scenarios over and over. I’m still at a loss.
Can I make a living selling crap on eBay? Would I use the time off wisely and finish writing my book? Will I be able to find a big enough refrigerator box to live in when I’m homeless?
Ah! Self-doubt. I’ve missed you old friend. You are like a worn in pair of shoes that still manages to pinch when I walk too far. Fine. You can linger for a bit, but don’t get comfortable. You like to travel backward, old friend and that’s not the direction I’m headed, understand?