Isle of Remote

The security gate is broken (again) at my condo. There’s a small sign posted that reads:

The security gate will be fixed 31 Feb1005

I don’t know about you, but I’m not holding my breath.

I’m in the market for a new digital camera. Looking for something lightweight and pocket-worthy, at least 5 mp, auto and maual focus and easy editing from the view screen. I’m looking to use it more as an everyday camera, rather than just for quickie pics on the web.

Here are my choices so far:

HP Photosmart

Olympus C-60 Zoom

Canon Powershot SD20

I’m still doing my homework, but I thought I’d see if anyone has some good advice for me.

I’m thinking Fridays should end with a funny story. I’m a writer, right? I need to work on my funny. So (hopefully) each Friday I will post a little funny story about me.

So far, I got nothin’.

Let’s go back to my college days. Bound to be some funny there.

I went to a state school, but we didn’t have dormitories. The living situation I chose was a dorm at the nearby Christian college that was relatively strict. No boys in the rooms. Front doors locked at 10 (no curfew - we had keys) and no boys in the building after the doors were locked. I mainly chose it because it was the first dorm that I saw that didn’t require a trip down the hall to go to the bathroom. Our rooms had a full bath and were much larger. Plus I didn’t think the rules were out of the ordinary - you never know what kind of roommate you’re gonna get and what type of people they will bring in.

Anyhoo…. We had a penchant for practical jokes. Once we played hide n seek in our cars through the neighborhood. Racing around nice little surburban communities chasing one another. We lost the other team buy pulling into a driveway, turning off the car and the lights and ducking.

There were a group of guys we particularly loved to joke with. One had an old car that didn’t lock. One night we stuffed it full of newspaper. I mean FULL of newspaper. He was ticked because he had a big time date. He got to his car and had to dump all the papers. Fine. He left for his date.

He had a job where he worked late so he got home kind of early from his date so he could change clothes. We were waiting. With more newspaper. We filled up his car again. This time he was really mad. He thought he knew who was doing it, but he couldn’t be sure.

Over the next 24 hours we proceeded to fill his car a total of FIVE times.

Here’s what he didn’t know. We had people working in shifts. People he didn’t even know. The three most likely suspects only filled the car the first time. The second time two other girls and myself filled it. The third time he saw us all in the lobby and three girls who didn’t know him filled it. The fourth time we were all playing games in the lobby (”Geez! Don’t be so suspicious! Why are you hanging out here all night? Your buddies are probably out there right filling your car with newspaper!”) One of the girls who lived on the first floor called me to her room to ask me something and together we hopped the balcony (another bonus to living there) and ran out to the parking lot with four giant trash bags of newspapers to stuff his car full in, like 30 seconds flat. We were back before he could finish a thought. The fifth time we needed a decoy. One of the girls he suspected the whole time took out her trash. He actually stopped her and looked through her trash! She dumped the trash and came back in less than a minute. The other top suspect went out to her car. He walked with her. Checked his car and it was empty. She left, he walked back to our dorm and we all sat and talked. Meanwhile we had loaded up more bags of newspaper and tossed them over the second floor balcony, this time poolside (yet another perk) and our friend with the car made a circle, picked up another girl, grabbed the bags and stuffed the car. The last three episodes all took place within about 2.5 hours. And he never suspected it was us. In fact, he finally “realized” that his friends (who were helping him out by keeping us occupied in the lobby) must have been in on the act and got mad at them. Didn’t talk to them for like two whole days!

To this day, Joey M. has no idea who pulled that prank.

Haven’t been ’round much lately. Lots of writing and work to do. Sorry about that. Anyway, I found this site today and thought it was intriguing. Have a look see.

Postsecret

I played Sims2 at Best Buy the other day and aside from all the really cool features like creating a sim and working toward certain aspirations, it was really funny when my Mommy Sim did this funny little dance in the kitchen while Daddy Sim was eating dinner. Then this puff of green smoke shot from her bottom and she started cracking up. I don’t know if I want farting Sims. I mean, there’s enough gas in my daily comings and goings to deal with. I don’t think I want to deal with it in my own private electronic utopia.

Was at Best Buy and found the first season of Coupling. Wow! That’s a funny show. Can’t wait to get the other seasons. Does anyone else watch this show? I used to catch it on PBS. But now, since I don’t have TV, I’m really behind.

Speaking of DVDs, the other day I bought Dance With Me at Wal-Mart. I admit that I have a certain fascination for dance movies, so the fact that I got this one is nothing unusual. Problem is I had a little difficulty opening it. It had like four security strips on it.

It’s a movie with Vanessa Williams, Chayanne and Kris Kristofferson. It could have won an Academy Award if the other 9,498 movies made that year were suddenly sucked up into the vortex of space. Why all the security strips? Seriously, I don’t think I could pay a crack whore $100 to go in to Wal-Mart and steal this movie. She’d be all like, “no, I got my limits.”

Consequently, Coupling? One security strip. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? One strip. How many security strips are there on your movies?

Dear Cyclists,

First and foremost, let me commend you on all the good things you do. You save the environment from pollution. You lessen the congestion on the busy highways. You teach us to be more cautious drivers. You are in good health. I am sure you are all wonderful human beings (except for the guy who slapped my car because he was too stupid to slow down when cutting across an intersection he should have stopped at. You sir, should get an incurable, voracious tapeworm….but I digress…)

In light of all the good you do, please know that this is a suggestion that is only for your own good. Really. Your mama would want me to tell you. Because she loves you.

Please, please, please oh please, check your little cycling pants before you put them on. If you are an avid cycler you are prone to wear the lycra to some degree of thinness and poor, easily distracted drivers such as myself will have braking problems as approach the full moon that is your naked bum peeking through the stretched thin fabric. Bike shorts are not underwear, meant to be worn until there is little left than the waistband.

I don’t care what kind of physical shape you’re in, I do NOT want to see your crack at ANY time EVER, not to mention before I’ve had my morning tea. So, do this for me please - hold up those bike shorts to the light. If you can see not only the shape of the bulb, but can read the wattage…take a deep breath and let them go. They’ve served their purpose.

I thank you. The lycra thanks you. The world thanks you.

Meadow inquired, so Meadow gets answered.

I slept for 30 hours once when I had brochitis and they gave some kind of cough syrup with codeine that I was supposed to take every 8 hours. I’d have to set the alarm to take it - each dose would have me sleep for about 12 hours or so. I timed my last doasge to see how long I would sleep.

I was in a local newspaper (live in a small enough town, and everyone gets in the paper eventually) when I was about 10 or so and in a school production of Fiddler on the Roof.

And my favorite toys were always books and I love collecting my favorite stories from when I was a kid. I need one more in my Raggedy Ann & Andy series, I’ve got Harold and the Purple Crayon, I still need Sendak’s In the Night Kitchen and someday soon I’m going to start on the Little House series.

Aren’t ya sorry you didn’t ask more?

stole this list from Atypical Female

The things I’ve done are in bold.

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said ˜I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten my own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars

21. Changed a baby’s diaper22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse

41. Rode on a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice

61. Midnight walk on the beach62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don’t regret it.

81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman (my own..took fencing)
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn’t have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Rode a gondola in Venice

101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship

121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone (not a fist fight - does that count?)
123. Bounced a check124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over134. …more than once? - More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
140. Wrote articles for a large publication

141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone’s heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Rode on a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Rode a horse158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet

161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad

181. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. …and gotten 86′ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196: Dyed your hair
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199: Written your own role playing game
200: Been arrested

I’m off to a party tonight. It’s a thank you party for all the people who help out at church. It’ll be fun once I get there, but right now nothing sounds better than cozying up under the covers and watching a good girly flick.

Speaking of movies, I just returned from watching The Life Aquatic. It was strange. I’m not sure if it was good or bad. And I’m not sure if I will ever know. The thing I liked about it is, since I grew up watching all those Jacques Cousteau underwater documentaries, that it had kind of the documentary feel to it. And it makes you wonder, with the pressure to provide increasingly fascinating and unique footage, did some of the professionals make it up.

Yesterday my friend treated me to a full-body deep tissue massage at a salon. It was heavenly. I’d never had a full-body massage before unless you count watsu - which is shiatsu massage in a body temp pool (beyond heaven).

Now, I guess it’s time to start getting ready for the big soiree. Sigh. Are sweats considered semi-formal?