Isle of Remote

I have a weakness for Latin men. Sigh. I was just reading a perfectly salient article about race relations between blacks and latinos. Good points I’m sure. Only they put the author’s photo at the top of the page and all I could think was “he’s cute…wonder if he’s single….”

I seem to be on a serious manquest these days. It has been a while, but it was really important for me to work on some issues first. But now I’m feeling all healed up and happy, so I guess there’s no time like the present, eh? Well, I guess there is a better time since it’s after midnight and the sort of manquest a lone female attempts at these hours requires an exchange of currency. It’ll keep till morning.

I just had the greatest weekend even though I had two classes to take on Friday and Saturday. Had a great time at the fair on Saturday and went to the House of Blues for their gospel brunch on Sunday. And I did lots of laughing. Even today I was laughing so hard I was snorting! Then I came home and cried. Whatever. Talked to my mom and started missing my grandmother a bit. I’ve got to go see my mom this weekend for her birthday surprise. I’m trying to go out on Saturday and come back on Sunday. It’s too hot in the desert to stay until Monday and I want to do some stuff around the house this weekend.

Made a decision not to look for a new place just yet. I’ve decided to wait until next spring and start looking for a place to buy. I feel like this would be my time. I finally feel like I’m in the place I am supposed to be in. I’m also writing again.

The last 6 months have gone by in a bit of a haze. My friends and I have deemed this the Summer of Fun and I’m totally looking forward to getting out there and doing a little living.

But I’ve got to get some sleep - 6am is just 7 hours away!

PS - Meadow! Shirley Valentine is one of my favorite movies! My friend and I argue over the ending all the time. She thinks she went back to her husband and UK I say her husband moves to Greece. What think you?

I’ve recently discovered that I like being forty. I’d like it a lot less if I still couldn’t get carded now and again, but that is besides the point.

For those of you who are not forty, I’ve prepared a few words of wisdom for you. Hopefully you will go gracefully to the top of that hill and not kicking, screaming, whining and crying like I did.

A good thing about being 40 is that you start to develop good sense. You know what looks good on you. You (hopefully) start to realize that change isn’t necessarily a bad thing and perhaps it might be time to let go of that high school hairdo.

A really good thing about being 40 is that filter drops just a wee bit and you’re no longer able to sit by and let people be incredibly stupid without commenting on it. If your boss makes a stupid decision, you don’t feel the need to back her up, but can say with confidence, “that wasn’t the best direction to go in, but I’d like to hear your suggestions on how we are going to get back on course.”

You can say crazy stuff when you’re 40 and people think you’re wise.

You laugh whenever you walk past that retail store, Forever 21. You know it would be a curse.

You can stare at hot, young studs and make them uncomfortable.

You no longer feel the need to conform to anyone’s idea of how you should be, feel, look, act.

You can let go of the past.

Bad things about being 40 start with your upcoming 25 year high school reunion.

Your little friend, Miss Scarlett, decides she can now visit any ole time she wants and stay as long as she wants.

You start to squint at the exact moment when squinting will leave it’s footprints.

You mispronounce common subculture references and say things like “Lindsay Logan”, “Hillary Gruff” and “Colin Merrill”. You think Jessica Simpson is an animated character. It never occurs to you that there are people who don’t know Bewitched was ever a television show.

You realize the newest voters weren’t born yet when you turned 21.

Your body starts making new sounds.

You start keeping a mental list of the foods that give you gas and/or heartburn.

You realize that you only have so much time.

That’s a cheery note to end on isn’t it? Stew and chew on it and I’m going to call my mom and see if there was a mistake on my birth certificate…

Because I am SUCH a lemming, here’s the latest cliff I’ve jumped from:

43 Things

Check it out! It’s fun.

About my best friend situation - my other friend says that the dynamics of the relationship has changed and I just need to move on rather than wonder what it was that I did to break up the friendship. I guess I’m just startled because I didn’t see it coming.

I haven’t talked to my best friend since September because it dawned on my earlier in the year that I was the one doing all the calling. When we did talk it was all about things they bought or ate or places they visited or medical complaints. Nothing about feelings or anything personal like we used to talk about. No laughs or anything…. I just have to accept this and move on. Maybe one day she’ll realize that she misses having a friend (her husband gets upset when she does stuff without him) and maybe there will still be some of our old friendship left. But until then, I will move forward and be a better friend to the people who want to be in my life.

So, I get this call Friday and it’s the friend formerly known as best. She and her dullard husband are in town for the weekend and she wants us to get together. I have plans but we agree to meet for breakfast, but I have a class in the afternoon. We can get together on Sunday, I’m relatively free.

We go to breakfast and I’m charming. The eat rather quickly and spend the last 30 minutes watching me eat. I drop them off at the hotel and we make plans to get together either that evening or the next day.

I leave a message for them that night because my plans were looking to change and I wanted to make sure we still spent time together.

I get a call this morning that because they have decided to leave Monday morning rather than Monday afternoon, she doesn’t think we can get together at all today.

Should I mention they had no plans for how they were going to spend the day? Um weird.

Another thing is she called me out of the blue a couple of weeks ago (because she was bored at work) and made a joking reference to how she didn’t hear from me at work. It was on the tip of my tongue reply that I never heard from her when my grandmother died - the single most traumatic event I’ve endured to date - and she knows my whole family. It was grace alone that allowed me to apologize without being catty, but it still stung like the dickens.

My one friend says I can’t go investing more in the friendship than she wants to give. But I’ve already invested 24 years! It’s hard to just let it go. But she’s made her choice and it’s to put all her energy into her husband.

By the by, am I the only one who thinks it weird that he had NOTHING to say all through breakfast? My friend is all, “Mr Boring* has a collection of knives, don’t you Mr Boring?” “Mr Boring didn’t like the fish at that restaurant.” “Mr Boring thought that presentation was informative.” It was kinda creepy.

So I have to let go of this friendship. I think I’m ready to do that now. But I can’t help from wondering where it went wrong. It couldn’t have been solely because she married and he has no friends, could it? Seriously here, I’m not being facetious - he has no friends. And now, neither does she. She told me about a year ago that all the friends that were at her wedding 3 years ago are strangers to her now. Is that bizarre?

Let it go, Abbie. I can’t fix this. I just have to let it morph into what it will be. Sigh. Gotta go and search for a new best friend now!

(*the names have been changed to protect the boring)

Really, really mad! Crazy, stupid mad.

My good friends have recently happened upon their dream - they were called to adopt a little boy. The social worker contacted them to say she thought they were a perfect match and, because they were looking to adopt, there was an almost certain chance that this boy would be eligible for adoption in two months when his biological mother’s parental rights would be terminated.

Mom has had five children and all five have been removed from her care because she is a drug addict. The last time she got them back, because some idiot judge thought she deserved another chance, she got into a car wreck because she was driving under the influence WITH THE KIDS IN THE CAR. UNRESTRAINED.

Now my friends find out that their fate and the fate of this little boy, who is not yet two and been in four different homes, is up to another judge. While the odds are not in this mom’s favor, shouldn’t the trial really be just a formality at this point? Shouldn’t someone realize that the fact that this mom has not been able to put her children’s needs ahead of her own addictions TEN different times and she does not deserve any more chances?

Here’s what make me the angriest. I get three chances to pass my driver’s test. If I were in grad school I would get 3-5 chances to defend my thesis. If I committed a crime and served time, I would only get two more chances before I was put away for good. HOW MANY TIMES DOES A PARENT GET TO KILL THEIR KIDS?

As far as I’m concerned you get one chance. If the authorities have to step in and it’s proven that you are living a life and making choices that put children at risk then you should not get continued “chances” to make good and get your children back. Once. That’s one more than you deserve. AND you should have to reimburse the state and the family all expenses.

I know for adoptive parents the money spent to prepare for a child is not the issue, but it still steams me. My friend had FIVE days to prepare her house for a child. Think of all that entails. But that little boy came into their house and it was a home. The relatives who had been caring for him couldn’t even be bothered to wash his clothes properly. The few things he had were stuffed (filthy dirty, mind you) into a little suitcase and had to be disposed of.

So imagine, if you will, finding out that you will soon be a parent and making all the necessary preparations for the little one in a manner of days. Getting the full story of his sad life in the year and a half he’s been on this earth, falling in love with him the minute you see him. Have an extended family who also falls in love with him on site. Providing him with the first bit of stability he’s had. Re-teaching him that he’s not to be beaten every time he does something disagreeable (yeah, nice relatives). Making headway in his emotional, spiritual and physical development so much so that he doesn’t back away from you when you speak sternly to him and doesn’t expect to be packed off with each and every new person that enters into his life. Imagine all that and then have some court official who has spent 11 minutes with this boy decide to yank him out of the home you’ve created for him and place him smack back in the middle of square one where what happens to him is basically a crap shoot. How many times does that have to happen to a child before he/she is permanently damaged?

If you’re of the praying sort, please say a prayer for my friends and for the little boy who should be theirs.

Got a catalog in the mail the other day. Addressed to me, not someone else. It was for pornos and the millennial version of the blow-up doll. Lots of extenders and other male apparatus. How did I get on this list?!! I mean, seriously, I didn’t need to know that you can get your favorite female porn star’s booty cast in lifelike poly resin to…um….use as you see fit. And just how lonely and horny do you have to be to BUY a butt-shaped pillow to poke your willy through? At first I was disgusted, now I’m just saddened by the whole thing.