Isle of Remote

had a weird dream last night. Actually, I had two weird dreams - or maybe it was one weird dream with two weird components. Regardless….

The first part had to do with my best friend. Or I guess we’ve demoted ourselves to friends since she rarely calls anymore. The dream was that she was in trouble or was unhappy or something and I refused to help her. And she moved back here because her husband had had an affair…with a man. But I was involved somehow and was really reluctant to do anything about it. She was acting all weird too - she wasn’t really mad, but embarrased but when she spoke she wasn’t making sense - just talking about random stuff and not dealing with the issue. I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted her to go away.

The next part of the dream was me looking at my legs. They looked normal when I looked at them, but I found a short hair and when I pulled it, it was like 3 feet long! I kept pulling all these freaky, long, black hairs off my legs! Yuck!

Let someone interpret those!

I’ve made some decisions about where I’m headed in life. I won’t go into the details but I have decided that I’m tired of working for other people. I’m formulating a plan that will allow me to phase out that part of my life and corform it to my own terms.

It’s liberating. Right now I’m in the research phase. I hope that by this time next year I will be in phase one of the plan.

I’m also getting on track with my health. I’ve started slow and am concentrating on making better choices.

Part of the reason why my writing here has gotten so sporadic lately is I’ve just been floundering. It seemed that a lot of things changed in my life in a big way and it left me a little bewildered. My job changed, I lost my best friend to apathy and my grandmother to death, I’ve made some bad financial choices, I regained my weight. It felt like life was pushing me along and I was just sitting in the cart.

I’ve heard some people say that you shouldn’t make any major decisions after you’ve lost someone close to you. I guess that’s true. I didn’t make the wisest choices. I think that’s why, when I prayed about it last year, I really felt the strong pull to wait until March of this year to start making major changes.

So now I feel as though my head is a little clearer and I have noticed that my time is a little more free since some of the dead weight has dropped off. One of the things I’ve noticed is that some friends just don’t know how to be around you when you’re going through stuff. So those people have dropped off the radar and that has created the time to get my plans together.

A long time ago a neighbor read me this poem about those who lift and those who lean. There are givers and there are takers in life. The poem made it seem that it was far better to be the lifter rather than the leaner, but I think you have to reside somewhere in the middle. How can you lift someone if you don’t know what it is like to lean? And if you’re lifting all the time, how do you keep your humility?

So this year I’ve learned how to lean and I’ve learned who my lifters are. And oddly enough, they’re not always who I expect them to be.

Sorry I’ve not posted in a while. I’ve been really busy what with rolling a large rock up a hill everyday and having my liver pecked out by birds. Okay, maybe not that bad, but it seems like it. I’ve been working on this one project for work that could have totally been made easier, but what do I know, I’m just the stupid, little assistant.

I’ve been correcting this majorly long list for the past three weeks so that one-fifth of the work I’ve done can be eliminated. I’ve brought up three separate times that this list could be weeded through first then I should spend the time to update date it cuz it makes no sense to update it if it ain’t gonna be used. But I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m so not in the mood for pompous folks today.

I’m so happy it’s Friday I could just strip naked and run through the parking lot right now. Hmmm. If I actually do that, maybe I’ll be sent home early…..worth a thought.

I’m too exhausted to actually take lunch. I’m sitting at my desk and blogging. If that’s not someone’s definition of pathetic, I don’t know what is. I actually feel pathetic, too. I seem to be really tired lately.

Everyone is leaving my job. Rats leaving a sinking ship? I’m trying to decide if I want to stay or not. If I choose to stay it could be just me and guy who gave me the rock. If I leave, I could end up with a crappy bunch of people. But I’ve had the feeling for a long time now that I should just wait until March and then make my decisions. I thought it was about buying a house, but maybe it’s everything. Wait to decide about my job, wait to decide about moving, wait to decide about starting a business. I just feel so…unrooted. (Is that a word?)

Finally! I get to do something selfish and just for me! I’m finally going to see the Harry Potter movie! Yay!