Isle of Remote

I’ve said this before - I’m going to get out there where the men are. I’m going to make an effort to look less crazy and more put-together. But this time I’m serious. I no longer believe that my Ren Faire costume makes good casual wear. I no longer believe that looking people directly in the eye constitutes aggression and I will do it more often. I now acknowledge that I am funny and that means I don’t have to TRY to be funny 24/7. I will pursue an unisex hobby or interest.

If I do not do these things in the next six months, I will …. hmm, what’s a good incentive? Okay, I’ve got it. If I don’t do the above things in the next six months I will have to $100 to the Republicans. There. That ought to do it!

I have a weakness for Latin men. Sigh. I was just reading a perfectly salient article about race relations between blacks and latinos. Good points I’m sure. Only they put the author’s photo at the top of the page and all I could think was “he’s cute…wonder if he’s single….”

I seem to be on a serious manquest these days. It has been a while, but it was really important for me to work on some issues first. But now I’m feeling all healed up and happy, so I guess there’s no time like the present, eh? Well, I guess there is a better time since it’s after midnight and the sort of manquest a lone female attempts at these hours requires an exchange of currency. It’ll keep till morning.

Dear Men,

Today it was made clear to me that I should be using this forum as a springboard to effect change for a better society. If I bring about just one convert, the world will be a better place. Children will be happier, work productivity will increase and make for better communications with friends, family and the public.

[i]Spring for the “good” toupee. If your hair is grey and you are buying a toupee as opposed to a wig (which covers the whole head) DO NOT buy jet black. Black hair on top of grey sideburns does NOT make you look like a younger man, it makes you look like an older man who doesn’t have a mirror. Besides the dark color emphasizes your age because it is against a paler, thinner skin - so every nook and cranny on your face now has a dramatic negative contrast in your new found crown. Also, the combination of black hair/white eyebrows is a wee bit comical - probably not the effect you were going for.[/i]

If you are of an age where the above is not yet applicable to you, please print it out and keep it in your wallet.

So here I sit all primped and powdered, curled and twirled ready to make the trek to meet MOMD. It is what it is, what happens, happens.

I’ve got good friends praying for me and if it’s meant to be, God will make it happen despite myself.

So I leave you with a bit of Psalm 30 (The Message translation):

You did it: you changed wild lament into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black morning band and decked me with wildflowers.
I’m about to burst with song;
I can’t keep quiet about you.
God, my God,
I can’t thank you enough.

I’ll be back tomorrow morn!

Had a sad kind of pity-party kind of day. You need those every once in a while. Woke up with the fierce allergies again and decided to just stay home and rest. Plus I’ve been feeling kind of bewildered and blue lately. So it is just a good thing to stay in bed.

I think sometimes we don’t take the time to feel blue and we should. We think our “negative” feelings should be fixed…anesthetized. But how can we embrace the good if we refuse to run the course of the bad? We keep putting off our bad feelings, trying to make ourselves happy that after a while we can’t handle the really bad stuff without medication.

Of course, being prone to depression myself, I do know that there are those out there who need medication to function. But it seems odd to me that there are so many doctors ready to prescribe pills to people who should be sad at a certain time, but won’t always be. Case in point - my friend brother died a few years ago. Her mother and sister-in-law were both prescribed Zoloft because they were depressed. Neither of these two women had a history of depression ever. When someone you love dies, you should be depressed because it’s a terrible thing. now whenever they go off the meds the old grief comes right back to the moment when they left it and they are more depressed than ever. Back on the meds they go because they can’t believe that four years later they still feel sad.

I don’t want to feel sad, but when I am I am more….introspective about my life. I take a look at my decisions and mistakes more carefully. When I feel myself headed into depression I make myself do the things I don’t want to do - be social, volunteer, take on responsibility or just call some friends on the phone.

Where was I going? Oh yeah. My sad day. I’m sad because today I feel mortal. And vulnerable. And lonely. It’s strange how you can feel lonely when your phone is constantly ringing off the hook and you have an amazing support system, but stranger things have happened.

It’s less than 36 hours to meetin’ time and I’m a little nervous. I’m not in the mood now to face more rejection - this one based on who I am, rather than my qualifications like at a job interview. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but I want to remain positive. And then I don’t want to be desparate either. I just want to go, have a good time, meet some people and come home. But so many people are counting on this hook-up thing. Do I want to hook up or do I not want to disappoint the people who are taking the time to look out for me?

Sometimes being a people-pleaser is a real pain in the butt.

Sunday Sunday….Am lolling about in my food coma. The diet of matzoh and cheese isn’t working - someone mentioned the word “muffin” and I just about tore the city apart searching for one. Wound up with a piece of lemon cake from Starbucks. Then I came home and had a sleeve of Do.si.dos with a glass of (lactose-free) milk. Once again life is good.

The matzoh thing was basically out of laziness - I have a big box left from our Passover seder. Low sodium matzoh…mmmmm. It was there, it’s too hot to turn on the stove and I didn’t feel like cooking anyway. So it’s matzoh and cheese for lunch, matzoh and cheese for dinner. Matzoh and cheese for late afternoon snack.

I’m all sparkly because I used my Body Shop cranberry shimmer lotion today. That stuff smells heavenly! Before I got my Trish #9 which is blackcurrant and vanilla, I used the cranberry lotion with St Ives vanilla body lotion to simulate the smell. I’m glad they changed the formulation of the lotion because it used to make my skin look ashy. Now it’s just sparkly bits highlighting my skin tone. Lovely.

Church tonight was weird. I barely knew anyone there. I was sad that I didn’t see D. I’m afraid I may be developing a tweensy crush on the boy…..Where do I think I’m going with that?

I avoided being the world’s worst daughter by mere hours. I didn’t finish my mother’s present in time to mail it to her, so last night, after about an hours searching, I found flowers that would be delivered on Sunday and not cost the price of a tank of gas. She sounded pleased on the phone today, but you never really know with mom. Six months from now she could be warning me not to send her some cheap-o flowers in lieu of a real gift.

So here it is the 9th. That leaves only 5 more days till I travel east to meet the Man of My Dreams (MOMD). I’m not looking forward to it. Why did I agree to this? Oh yeah, so my friends will get off my back. Not that I’m opposed to the hookup, but this seems so contrived I almost feel sorry for the poor guy. I can see it now - every “please pass the salt” will be followed by half a dozen winks and nudges. I promised that I would go and I’ve spoken my reservations, so there’s nothing left but the grinning and bearing of it. I only hope that MOMD has a sense of humor.